Ignorance on Full Display at Labor Rally

CRDaily

If you’re not aware, a various assortment of the communist groups on campus organized a labor rally today to protest some (minor) changes in the schedules of UNC facilities workers. According to the Daily Tar Heel,  employees will lose the option to work a compressed work schedule (i.e. four 10-hour workdays) in favor of the traditional schedule (five 8-hour workdays). For you math whizzes out there, that’s a net change of 0 hours in the employees’ schedule and will not affect the amount they are paid. Naturally such a change is a reflection of the University’s disregard for human rights, and the communists on campus were out in full force. Some of the us formed a lightening fast counter-rally, holding such signs as “Fire Everyone” and “Down With This Sort of Thing” which aroused the interest of some of the protesters. You can watch (though you’ll probably end up mainly listening as the camera angle was not so good) the reaction of one of the protesters to our counter-protest below.

The Revolution Against Reality

CRDaily

Today as part of the national day of protest against funding cuts at universities, we had our very own protest here at UNC-Chapel Hill. Here, the protest appears to have been organized by Students for a Democratic Society. So predictably, instead of promoting a serious discussion about university budget cuts, the event quickly degenerated into a farce.

I encountered the small crowd of about 30 of the usual suspects as they crossed Polk Place, rudely interrupting the people at the dedication of the Eve Carson Memorial Garden with loud drumming and chanting.

Stealing a page from the recent student body president campaign of Carolina Review Editor in Chief Nash Keune, the protesters called for the abolition of all tuition charges as well as the firing of the university’s upper level administration. They accompanied this with creepily totalitarian chants of “the people, united, will never be defeated!”

In the crowd, many of the usual suspects in the gang of thugs known as Students for a Democratic Society could be seen. This is the same group responsible in the past year for attacking Tom Tancredo, threatening UNC faculty, and stealing copies of the Carolina Review.

The protest moved to the steps of South Building, where a woman with a loudspeaker proclaimed that “you cannot legislate civil disobedience” and stated that the protesters fully intended to break the law by protesting inside South Building after it closes at 5 PM. The potential of trespassing charges did not seem to deter them as 15 more daring protesters entered the building. The rest of them stood outside and listed grievances against the system barely related to the current budget crisis, including calls for unionization of campus workers and admission of illegal immigrants under in-state tuition rates.

“Education is a right, not a privilege.” “A Job is a Right” “Repeal Jim Crow” (!?)…just a sampling of the intellectual level we are dealing with here.

In the meantime, University officials observing the protest could but stand and laugh and the juvenile nature of it all.

Don’t get me wrong, budget cuts are a serious issue. They affect all of us negatively. They affect me negatively. But the fact is we are in an economic recession. In a recession, people spend less money. When people spend less money the state collects less revenue in sales tax. This causes the state to have a budget shortfall and requires it to cut spending. Hence, the need for budget cuts. To pretend that the state of North Carolina can do otherwise in the current situation is to deny the basic laws of addition and subtraction. Apparently SDS has decided that trying to launch a social revolution is not enough and now they intend on launching a revolution against mathematics.

We can debate where the wisest place to cut the budget is. But these sorts of juvenile protests calling for completely unrealistic goals such as the abolition of tuition (because a free education is “a right not a privilege”) or the firing of administrators is completely pointless, and will change nothing. It’s just an excuse for some leftist activists to yell in the streets and pretend to be doing something of importance.

PS – I guess it could have been worse. According to the CNN article on the nationwide protests, police at UC-Davis had to fire rubber bullets at protesters to keep them from blocking an interstate highway, while police at Wisconsin-Milwaukee arrested 15 people after they tried to storm the main administration building.

Update: No arrests were made as the protesters agreed to leave the building peacefully. A short video of part of the protest can be viewed here:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbXx45stEsM

Event Planning

CRDaily

Hello out there in internetland. Sorry for not posting anything last week. It was a bit hectic for the Carolina Review, as we hosted the first two events in our history. On Wednesday we hosted a debate (with some pretty awesome moderators) between Prof. Ralph Byrns and Prof. John David Lewis about the morality of government interventions into the free market. Then on Thursday (the fifth of November) we hosted a viewing of the movie “V for Vendetta.” In between the planning and execution of these events, I simply didn’t have time to craft a post worthy of the The Man Who Was Thursday brand.

That said, I think missing a post was definitely worth it. Both events were very successful. In fact, they were so successful that we’re already starting to make plans for our next batch of events.

Personally, I think we should branch out and try some innovative types of events. For instance, I think we could start with a Ronald Reagan Day, during which we honor the most important figure in American conservatism by speaking only in Reagan quotes. Everyone who chooses to participate will be required to find a famous Reagan line to fit each and every situation they are in throughout the day (though, for some conservatives, this won’t actually require any change in behavior at all).

I also think we should have some CR-specific events. I would like to have Chris Jones lead a “How to Survive the Apocalypse” seminar. However, as I reread that event title, I realize that I’m not entirely sure which side of the apocalypse issue Chris is on, so that might end up being “How to Start the Apocalypse.” Either way, it’s probably a good idea to know what weapons Chris favors.

And I would love to host an “Ask Crowder” event. I imagine Justin Crowder sitting in the middle of a circle of his peers, whom we invite to pick Crowder’s brain about any issues they find pressing. That might sound innocuous enough. But knowing both Justin and the student body, I envision it ending with Crowder being showered in a hail of flaming arrows while he defends himself with a twenty foot tall American Flag, all the while shouting phrases like, “the knavery of the scoundrels!”

Finally, I think we should have a Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune Bobble Head Day. Maybe we could just pass them out around campus or even distribute them at basketball games (I mean, the same world in which the CR would have bobble heads is the same world in which we would be able to pass them out at basketball games). For one thing, it would be a good marketing ploy. But more importantly, I’ve always wanted to play with a bobble head of myself (I wonder what a psychoanalyst would have to say about that…).

But, as always, I would love to hear any suggestions you have (maybe something a bit more topical than the apocalypse or bobble heads?).

Update: One of the online comments on the DTH article about the protest against the recent $2,095 appropriation to SDS likened the protest group, which was supposedly composed solely of members of the Carolina Review, to a “right-wing goon squad” (despite the fact that the leader of the protest is a Democrat and only three of the protesters are on our staff).

Now, no such entity actually exists. But, I really wish it did. After all, as one of the Editors of the CR, I would presumably be one of the heads of that goon squad- which would be awesome. And, I mean, if people are going to treat us like we have a goon squad, why don’t we just go ahead and form one?

Of course, before we start our goon squad we would need to have some sort of recruitment and initiation process (sort of like a rush for our reactionary cabal). We already have matching t-shirts for everyone to wear (by the way, we recently uncovered a hidden cachet of Carolina Review shirts; just let me know if you want one).

And, this would give the CR editorial staff the opportunity to haze new recruits. For instance, we could have a “minute of shame,” during which we shout truly awful, terrible, and reprehensible terms at our prospective members to test their mettle, like “open minded,” “multiculturalist,” or “tolerant.” Whew- I shudder just imaging having to call innocent people such thoroughly objectionable words. Anyone who could possibly survive such torture would definitely be able to face whatever might be in store for our goons.

Mid-Semester Awards

CRDaily

I was planning on doing an article soliciting suggestions about a Halloween costume. But one of my friends is going as Dennis Rodman and I can’t imagine topping that, so I decided to come up with some mid-semester Carolina Review Awards (sort of like when pundits give out mid-season awards for professional sports).

Facebook Stalker of the Year: Christopher Jones

Enough said.

Arielle Reid Award: Students for a Democratic Society

We don’t know how this SDS story will end legally, but they’ve already given us enough entertainment to merit this, the original and most coveted Carolina Review Award.

Best CRDaily.com comment: Stephen E

That was such a ridiculous flame war (scroll down to the bottom).

Gary Birdsong Award: Justin Crowder

Also known as the Glenn Beck Award and the Most Likely to be Burned in Effigy Award. This award was literally made for Crowder last year.

Best Hair: Not Anthony Dent

Really, you’re just not doing it for me this year. Where is the perfectly defined part? The superfluous straightness? The shininess?

The Like, OMG, We Actually Have a Whole Design Staff This Year Award: Amanda Bastyr, Emily Carr, Beth Lawrence and Sarah Sessoms

Like, OMG, we actually have a whole design staff this year!

Most Likely to Commit a Minor Assault During a Staff Meeting: Rosie Bucherati

That really hurt, scary lady.

Mr. Rogers Award for Excellence in Sweaters: Nash Keune

This one was not my idea.

Most Likely to be at the Vanguard of a Revolution: Christopher Jones and Justin Crowder (tie)

Right now these two are neck-and-neck for this prestigious award. I’m taking wagers on how many medieval swords will be used during that revolution.

Most Likely to get Trapped in an Endless Cycle of Midget Puns: Chelsea Walker

Need I explain?

The Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune Award for Editorial Excellence: Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune

What do you give to the Editors who already have the Order of Charlton Allen, the Gold Star, the Order of Victory, and Hero of Soviet Union awards? You name an award after them. And whom better to receive this award than the inspiring duo of Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune?

As always, send me any additional suggestions.

SDS President, DTH Columnist and Candidate for Chapel Hill Mayor Implicated in Theft of the Carolina Review

CRDaily

Last spring, some of our staff members noticed that large stacks of our April 2009 issue had gone missing overnight from newsstands in the Undergraduate Library and Hamilton Hall. Considering that this was during exams week, we at the Review doubted that they had all been taken legitimately. We had a long list of possible suspects with a motive to make our April 2009 issue disappear, as the issue had been highly critical of a number of individuals and campus groups. However, we had no evidence of anything.

Until now. One of the groups criticized in the issue was Students for a Democratic Society (“Chapel Hill Hooligans Strike Again”, p. 21). Facebook photos obtained by the Carolina Review show Ben Carroll, the president of Students for a Democratic Society and write-in candidate for Mayor of Chapel Hill, along with Daily Tar Heel columnist Dominic Powell and a third individual, Scott Williams, standing in a pile of destroyed copies of the April 2009 issue of Carolina Review drinking beer and painting their living room. Hundreds of copies of Carolina Review (paid for by your student fee money) were apparently destroyed.

Considering the newsworthiness of this behavior by a candidate for public office, CRdaily is publishing some of the photographs below in order to inform our readers that a mayoral candidate is involved in destroying property, suppressing freedom of the press and censoring dissenting opinions.

These photographs also show how members of Students for a Democratic Society are engaged in a sustained effort to suppress the first amendment rights of those who they disagree with. Last spring, the engaged in violence for political ends against speakers whom they disagreed with. This fall, the Daily Tar Heel was targeted and vandalized with a “special anti-racist issue” placed over their papers. The DTH reacted strongly, even reportedly calling the police and attacked the vandals on their editorial page. Now, we have a staff member from the Daily Tar Heel apparently engaged in even worse behavior.

Update: The students involved have been informed that a complaint has been filed against them in the UNC Honor Court system. The student attorney general will decide by the end of next week whether to file formal charges.

Far Right: Ben Carroll, SDS president and candidate for mayor of Chapel Hill.
Center: Dominic Powell, DTH columnist.

More News that the DTH Simply Refuses to Report

CRDaily

… because it’s completely made up. As with last week, these news stories are satirical.

Senior breaks up with boyfriend because of decreasing quality of Facebook banter

CHAPEL HILL (CR)- “At the beginning of the relationship, right when we were entering the send-each-other-Bumper-Stickers-everyday phase, he used to write witty posts laden with inside jokes,” said Kristen Ryan. “Now he just sends me ‘hey you <3’ and ‘happy birthday baby.’ Even the creepy guy from my freshman ANTH 101 who posts ‘hey girll, long time no talk ;(‘ puts more thought into his posts.”

Art Review

Post-Modernist paints a breathe-taking, aesthetically magnificent, and narratively coherent composition that simultaneously moves the soul, pleases the eye, and tells a story, ironically.

YWC revealed to be an elaborate ruse set up by the SDS

CHAPEL HILL (CR)- Many were surprised today to discover that the controversial Youths for Western Civilization (YWC) is really just a front organization set up by the slightly-less-controversial Students for a Democratic Society (SDS).

“We were just really, really bored, and had no good protest ideas,” said an anonymous member of the SDS. “So, we set up this fake, offensive group. All of it is fake. It doesn’t actually have any members or anything. No one- no one actually believes the stuff the YWC espouses. It’s just crazy. And trust us, we’re the SDS. We know about crazy ideas…”

Midget caught in unbreakable cycle of puns

DENVER (CR)- “It all started when I, a little person, moved to the unfortunately nicknamed ‘Mile High City,'” said Bryan McPhatter, Jr.

His troubles continued during his first day of work yesterday, when he was assigned to do all of his division’s expense reports. Said McPhatter, “I got the short end of the stick.”

Then, at the lunch counter, he thought he had more cash in his wallet than he actually did. “I just came up a bit short.”

“After lunch, I got back to the office, only to find that I had been assigned another batch of cold calls. It was just a lot more work than I expected on my first day at a new job. I was in over my head.”

All of these irksome puns got so annoying, so exasperating, that McPhatter contemplated suicide. “But suicide is such a serious, final thing, with so many repercussions. It really is a tall order.”

Increased rates of promiscuity blamed on the ah-ah-ah ah-ah alcohol

Also cited: the goose, the ‘tron, the vodka, the henny, and the blue tap. […yeah, my knowledge of hip hop is at least a few months behind]

Local teenage girl changes profile picture to one taken from a slightly more flattering angle; immediately asked to Homecoming by Captain of the football team

Scientific study shows that Donald Simmons’ day was indeed just “fine”

This dispels Mrs. Simmons’ suspicions that Mr. Simmons was misreporting the true level of excitement of his day.

Snarky sophomore wears t-shirt bearing witty slogan; immediately asked out by the cute, quirky indie chick from his British Lit class

CHAPEL HILL (CR)- “The first day of class, I wore my shirt that says ‘Conspicuous Consumption’ on it, under which it has a picture of a guy buying a shirt that says ‘Conspicuous Consumption,'” said Steven Hinski. “I saw that she laughed a little to herself as I walked by.”

On the second day of class Hinski wore a shirt that said “I decide whether to hate the player and/or the game on a case-by-case basis,” to which she said, “Nice shirt,” with a grin.

Over the last few weeks Hinski has worn shirts that said “Gay Chicken Champion,” “Check out my Livestrong bracelet(s)!” and “I remember when Will Ferrell was funny,” all of which (obviously) impressed her immensely.

Finally, today Hinski wore his “I want to see less Animal Rights and more Animal Fights” shirt with a picture of a cock fight, which was just completely irresistible.