NC Dems Look to Solve Financial Woes with… Alchemy?

As reported by WRAL today, the North Carolina Democratic Party is in extreme trouble financially as their executive board, still reeling from the sex scandal under previous Chair David Parker, is still infighting. Today, fist vice-chairwoman Nina Szlosberg-Landis resigned from office citing personal differences and alleged bullying from the new state Chairman Randy Voller.

The vice-chair wrote very critically of the chair saying that many of the top donors felt uncomfortable working with Voller because of “some of the actions he has taken.” Voller was more kind in his statement, however, calling Szlosberg-Landis resignation “saddening,” and saying that she “served with distinction.” He also said that the party would welcome in any capacity.

Several Voller supporters were happy with the vice-chairwoman’s departure, Dr. John Hammond, a well-known party member cited an email which Szlosberg-Landis, whose jobs it is to fundraise for the party, solicited funds for House and Senate Caucuses instead of giving directly to the party. This infuriated him and several other activists, because the email stated it was “the best mechanism” for getting Democrats elected.

Voller critics, however, were quick to point out the contentions that were in the party. Many of Voller’s critics claim that despite the email, Szlosberg-Landis worked hard to raise thousands of dollars for the party. One critic, Frank Eaton even called outright for a vote of no confidence on Voller. Eaton stated in a video, “The first five months of his term have been contentious, and we find ourselves in the worst financial condition of our history. For the second time in two years, the Goodwin House is involved in an embarrassing scandal.”

But don’t worry NC Dems. Your prayers have been answered! According to the same WRAL report, despite budget woes, and staff reductions, two consultants have managed to keep their jobs. One consultant is Jim Neal who ran against Elizabeth Dole in 2007, and is a pro-gay activist. The other is Michael Carmichael, who is the answer to the Democrats prayer. Just who is this amazing consultant? According to his own website, Carmichael is a graduate of UNC-Charlotte, and currently lives in England. He moved there to study psychoactive drugs and alchemy: yes, you heard that right alchemy.

According to Merriam-Webster online dictionary, the explanation of alchemy is described as, “Pseudoscience focused on the attempt to change base metals into gold. Ancient alchemists believed that, under the correct astrological conditions, lead could be “perfected” into gold. They tried to hasten this transformation by heating and refining the metal in a variety of chemical processes, most of which were kept secret.”

The NC Dems should be excited! They now have a source of unlimited funds that will never run out! Carmichael can supply their campaign for years to come by simply turning metal into precious gold! He might want to be careful though. He does not want to turn the metal rocks, in whomever’s head hired him, into to gold…