Obama Preaches Himself

Well Bill Clinton is Haiti.  Let your souls be at rest!  Everything’s going to be fine!  Oh!  And he’s working with George W. Bush!  Wow!  They’re, like, opposites, but they’re, like, coming together to, like, do something nice.  Cool!  I bet you don’t have to be full of yourself to do that!

In other news, a fascinating thing happened over the MLK weekend.  The president did what he does best: he got away with something.  He preached a sermon at a church. 

And, to answer your question, no, Democrats do not mix politics and religion like mean old white republicans do.

Regarding personal interest, the sermon he gave served to cement many theories swimming around in my head about the Great Obameth.  By that I mean he once again proved that he is nothing less than a cry baby loser who sees himself as some sort of messiah destined to perfect America. 

At the Vermont Avenue Baptist Church this past Sunday (while I was hearing a sermon based on the — I don’t know — Bible) the took the time (why not?) to explain that yes, he lied about healthcare reform, but why people should be happy with the almost socialized-medicine bills coming out of congress.  You know, he gets “a little frustrated when folks just don’t want to see that even if we don’t get everything, we’re getting something.”  Yes, if only the folks understood.

Oh, and remember the whole “hope and change” shpeal?  Yeah, about that: “”There were those who argued that, because I had spoke of a need for unity in this country, that our nation was somehow entering into a period of post-partisanship.  That didn’t work out so well.”  Um, well, I’m pretty sure he’s the one who argued that, so . . .

Next we get a huge, once in a lifetime opportunity to see into the big, lovable guy’s heart (how considerate of him to share with us!): “Folks ask me sometimes why I look so calm. . . . I have a confession to make here: There are times where I’m not so calm.  There are times when the words that are spoken about me hurt. . . . There are times when it feels like all these efforts are for naught, and change is so painfully slow in coming, and I have to confront my own doubts.” ‘

It’s those darn folks again!  They’re meanie heads!  If only everyone understood and submitted!

But thank the good Lord that he has faith.  Whew!  Without faith he couldn’t find the strength to send every taxpayer down the crapper. 

Hark!  A silent hush envelopes the audience like a wet blanket.  A dove descends and lands upon Obama’s head before disappearing into the thick, hot air of the historic church building.  Was it the Holy Ghost?  someone whispers.  And then the president boldly preaches: “Let us hold fast to that faith, as Joshua held fast to the faith of his fathers.” 

What in the world is he talking about?

“That faith.”  Man-alive!  I tell you where would we be without “that faith” that affords us a higher unemployment rate, a more arbitrary rule-of-law , a plethora of unsafe national security measures, higher taxes, less incentive to produce anything, and a healthcare system that makes it illegal not to have healthcare?   

Wait!  Oh, I see where he’s going with all this.  What a genius!  Yes, he is saying that he is doing all of these terrible things that will hurt our economy, make us less secure, and kill our loved ones unnecessarily because he wants to encourage faith! 

In other words (please, I know this is hard for you “folks” to understand, but try), when life is miserable people are more likely to turn to the faith of, uh, Joshua! 

And all this time I just thought the man was having  an unusual number of stupid attacks.

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