Why I’m Not Running Again

It has been my great humor to represent the people of North Campus in Student Congress this year.  I realize that all of my constituents — I know, I know! — are weeping in their rooms behind closed doors under their beds.  They recognize that I am no longer going to be representing them in Peabody 008 next year.  I have chosen not to run.

I have been at the height of my admittedly powerful existence.  So why give that up?  Especially when at the same time I am a very influential member of the media.  It is understandable that people would be confused.  It seems I am throwing the milch cow out with the dirty water.

I repeat the question (because it is probably so weighty that it is hard to comprehend the first time you say it to yourself): Why would a paragon of political elitism (like me) give up his seat?

It’s a good question.  Many, many reporters have sought to understand this very question.  The answer I gave at my very public press conference is written below for you to read:

Seriously though, I would like to take this time to say that the United States’ healthcare system is the best in the world.

My second point is that local government, even the most local of governments, is stupid.  I found that out the hard-slow-boring-why-am-I-here way.

Thank you.

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