I have a grim announcement to make (cue that one Green Day song they play at graduation parties and the end of TV series): because of the start of exams next week this is going to be my last column of the semester.
Anyways, we at the Carolina Review are currently preparing for the spring semester. Starting with the next issue, my co-Editor Bryan Weynand will be transitioning into an advisory role as he prepares to graduate. His time as Editor has coincided with our paper’s golden age. He will certainly be missed next year.
Bryan’s impending graduation has gotten me thinking about my own legacy. One thing I’m particularly concerned with is our institutional longevity. I want to know that whatever momentum we’ve built over the last few years won’t peter out once the current editorial staff moves on.
The Man Who Was Thursday is one of the most important parts of that legacy. When I graduate, I want to pass this column along to an underclassmen who can keep the TMWWT franchise alive. So, I’ve developed an application to become TMWWT’s apprentice. Applicants should perform any and all of the tasks on this SAT (Snark Aptitude Test) that pique their interest in the comment section. You do not have to be on staff to apply.
Post a link to your favorite viral video. (I think that in the modern world you can tell more about a person by knowing the youtube videos he or she watches than by knowing just about anything else)
Write three original staff award ideas.
Give yourself and at least one other staff member a nickname. For example: Lord Nashington
Hitler: thumbs up or down? (sadly, I actually have to ask this to screen applicants)
Would you rather have Sarah Palin as your President or your best friend’s mom.
How many sweaters do you own?
Write three portmanteaus using the word “bro.” For example: Broseph McCarthy or brocassional. (This is a test of your brocabulary)
Midget puns: go.
Fill in the Blank:
Chris Jones has ____ hidden around campus.
Eat the ____.
Write a simile that describes how narcissistic this post is.