LTMWWTOS (Last The Man Who Was Thursday Of the Semester)

I have a grim announcement to make (cue that one Green Day song they play at graduation parties and the end of TV series): because of the start of exams next week this is going to be my last column of the semester.

Anyways, we at the Carolina Review are currently preparing for the spring semester. Starting with the next issue, my co-Editor Bryan Weynand will be transitioning into an advisory role as he prepares to graduate. His time as Editor has coincided with our paper’s golden age. He will certainly be missed next year.

Bryan’s impending graduation has gotten me thinking about my own legacy. One thing I’m particularly concerned with is our institutional longevity. I want to know that whatever momentum we’ve built over the last few years won’t peter out once the current editorial staff moves on.

The Man Who Was Thursday is one of the most important parts of that legacy. When I graduate, I want to pass this column along to an underclassmen who can keep the TMWWT franchise alive. So, I’ve developed an application to become TMWWT’s apprentice. Applicants should perform any and all of the tasks on this SAT (Snark Aptitude Test) that pique their interest in the comment section. You do not have to be on staff to apply.

Post a link to your favorite viral video. (I think that in the modern world you can tell more about a person by knowing the youtube videos he or she watches than by knowing just about anything else)

Write three original staff award ideas.

Give yourself and at least one other staff member a nickname. For example: Lord Nashington

Hitler: thumbs up or down? (sadly, I actually have to ask this to screen applicants)

Would you rather have Sarah Palin as your President or your best friend’s mom.

How many sweaters do you own?

Write three portmanteaus using the word “bro.” For example: Broseph McCarthy or brocassional. (This is a test of your brocabulary)

Midget puns: go.

Fill in the Blank:

Chris Jones has ____ hidden around campus.

Eat the ____.

Write a simile that describes how narcissistic this post is.

27 comments

  1. The Man Who Was Thursday Inc. is going to wait to see the other applications before we make any final decisions. But, I think that owning 15 sweaters is its own reward.

  2. -Always use a brophylactic when you brocreate.

    -Use Times New Broman font to make your papers look more professional.

    -We should start a Brotary Club. I don't know what a Rotary Club is, but our club would probably be nothing like that.

    -Chris Jones is definitely hiding a manticore.

    -Eat the donut. But I don't like donuts, so we should go with eat the cherry turnover instead.

    -I own at least 30 sweaters, and that's a conservative estimate.

    -Midgets are people, too, and their feelings should be no small part of our concerns.

    -Chase gets the "Most Likely to Flush Someone's Birth Control Down the Toilet" Award.

    -Rosie gets the "Most Intimidating Look" Award.

    -Bryan gets the "Most Likely to Call Something 'Completely Ridiculous'" Award.

  3. -Always use a brophylactic when you brocreate.

    -Use Times New Broman font to make your papers look more professional.

    -We should start a Brotary Club. I don't know what a Rotary Club is, but our club would probably be nothing like that.

    -Chris Jones is definitely hiding a manticore.

    -Eat the donut. But I don't like donuts, so we should go with eat the cherry turnover instead.

    -I own at least 30 sweaters, and that's a conservative estimate.

    -Midgets are people, too, and their feelings should be no small part of our concerns.

    -Chase gets the "Most Likely to Flush Someone's Birth Control Down the Toilet" Award.

    -Rosie gets the "Most Intimidating Look" Award.

    -Bryan gets the "Most Likely to Call Something 'Completely Ridiculous'" Award.

      1. Nash specified "any and all," but by that he meant any that you want to answer, haha. I'm determined to be The Man Who Was Thursday, lol.

      2. Hm…this could be a problem. We could put make the "wo" lower-case and in parenthesis. "The (wo)Man Who Was Thursday?" Maybe? lol

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