Mid-Semester Awards

I was planning on doing an article soliciting suggestions about a Halloween costume. But one of my friends is going as Dennis Rodman and I can’t imagine topping that, so I decided to come up with some mid-semester Carolina Review Awards (sort of like when pundits give out mid-season awards for professional sports).

Facebook Stalker of the Year: Christopher Jones

Enough said.

Arielle Reid Award: Students for a Democratic Society

We don’t know how this SDS story will end legally, but they’ve already given us enough entertainment to merit this, the original and most coveted Carolina Review Award.

Best comment: Stephen E

That was such a ridiculous flame war (scroll down to the bottom).

Gary Birdsong Award: Justin Crowder

Also known as the Glenn Beck Award and the Most Likely to be Burned in Effigy Award. This award was literally made for Crowder last year.

Best Hair: Not Anthony Dent

Really, you’re just not doing it for me this year. Where is the perfectly defined part? The superfluous straightness? The shininess?

The Like, OMG, We Actually Have a Whole Design Staff This Year Award: Amanda Bastyr, Emily Carr, Beth Lawrence and Sarah Sessoms

Like, OMG, we actually have a whole design staff this year!

Most Likely to Commit a Minor Assault During a Staff Meeting: Rosie Bucherati

That really hurt, scary lady.

Mr. Rogers Award for Excellence in Sweaters: Nash Keune

This one was not my idea.

Most Likely to be at the Vanguard of a Revolution: Christopher Jones and Justin Crowder (tie)

Right now these two are neck-and-neck for this prestigious award. I’m taking wagers on how many medieval swords will be used during that revolution.

Most Likely to get Trapped in an Endless Cycle of Midget Puns: Chelsea Walker

Need I explain?

The Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune Award for Editorial Excellence: Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune

What do you give to the Editors who already have the Order of Charlton Allen, the Gold Star, the Order of Victory, and Hero of Soviet Union awards? You name an award after them. And whom better to receive this award than the inspiring duo of Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune?

As always, send me any additional suggestions.

16 replies »

  1. Awww. And, on that note, I am extremely honored and I know I can't express how much I feel honored well enough for you, but let's just say last year's awards are hanging in my room next to my prized possessions. Not even kidding . . .

    • There's never an excuse to hit an Order of Charlton Allen, Gold Star, Order of Victory, Hero of Soviet Union, Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune Award for Editorial Excellence, AND Mr. Rogers Award for Excellence in Sweaters recipient!

      • Using the term assault instead of battery is a perfect excuse to hit a douche-canoe like yourself. Don't mess with someone that is in business law and got an A on the tort exam.

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