I was planning on doing an article soliciting suggestions about a Halloween costume. But one of my friends is going as Dennis Rodman and I can’t imagine topping that, so I decided to come up with some mid-semester Carolina Review Awards (sort of like when pundits give out mid-season awards for professional sports).
Facebook Stalker of the Year: Christopher Jones
Arielle Reid Award: Students for a Democratic Society
We don’t know how this SDS story will end legally, but they’ve already given us enough entertainment to merit this, the original and most coveted Carolina Review Award.
Best CRDaily.com comment: Stephen E
That was such a ridiculous flame war (scroll down to the bottom).
Gary Birdsong Award: Justin Crowder
Also known as the Glenn Beck Award and the Most Likely to be Burned in Effigy Award. This award was literally made for Crowder last year.
Best Hair: Not Anthony Dent
Really, you’re just not doing it for me this year. Where is the perfectly defined part? The superfluous straightness? The shininess?
The Like, OMG, We Actually Have a Whole Design Staff This Year Award: Amanda Bastyr, Emily Carr, Beth Lawrence and Sarah Sessoms
Like, OMG, we actually have a whole design staff this year!
Most Likely to Commit a Minor Assault During a Staff Meeting: Rosie Bucherati
That really hurt, scary lady.
Mr. Rogers Award for Excellence in Sweaters: Nash Keune
This one was not my idea.
Most Likely to be at the Vanguard of a Revolution: Christopher Jones and Justin Crowder (tie)
Right now these two are neck-and-neck for this prestigious award. I’m taking wagers on how many medieval swords will be used during that revolution.
Most Likely to get Trapped in an Endless Cycle of Midget Puns: Chelsea Walker
Need I explain?
The Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune Award for Editorial Excellence: Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune
What do you give to the Editors who already have the Order of Charlton Allen, the Gold Star, the Order of Victory, and Hero of Soviet Union awards? You name an award after them. And whom better to receive this award than the inspiring duo of Bryan Weynand and Nash Keune?
As always, send me any additional suggestions.