I was on Crowder Chat this Sunday. If you haven’t seen the episode, watch it. If you have seen it, watch it again. There are a lot of layers.
Anyways, Homecoming is quickly approaching and the student government is rushing to make arrangements for all of the different Homecoming events. To that end, earlier this week I received this email from Student Body President Jasmin Jones:
Hi Nash,
Homecoming is just a couple of weeks away, and we are all excited to be playing our rival, Duke!!! There are many ways that you can take part in the homecoming celebration, but I wanted to personally email you to request your participation in the 2009 Homecoming Parade. I feel that your organization represents a special part of Carolina and I would like for the community, students and alumni to see you. The parade will also be an excellent opportunity to publicize your club.
I couldn’t refuse such a very personal appeal. But, then again, the Carolina Review hasn’t ever designed a float. I want our float to embody the uniqueness of the Carolina Review. After all, the CR “represents a special part of Carolina,” and it would be a shame if the community, students, and alumni didn’t get the chance to experience that “special part.”
I’ve only come up with three ideas. We could just go with a classic and create 60 foot long balloons of me and Bryan and carry them through the parade. Or we could celebrate some of our more scandalous issues by all wearing I <3 Goat Orgasm shirts while proudly smoking cigars and dragging a freshly chopped down virgin rainforest tree through the street. Or we could go to one of the local sites where day laborers congregate to wait for work, pick up a batch of illegal immigrants and parade them through town under a sign boasting of their illegal status, just to see how the people of Chapel Hill deal with it.
But, of course, the Carolina Review firmly believes in inclusiveness, so I would like to invite you to send in your suggestions for our float.
hahahahahahhaha this is the most hilarious column i've read from you yet.
keep it up.
oh and i like the idea of giant bryan and nash heads
and maybe you could even get YD balloon heads and like knock em together in the parade.
lolz
I think we should hold an auction to see who would pay the most money for the cathartic thrill of deflating the over-sized heads of the CR Editors. Might be a good fundraiser.
hey even i'd pay good money for a shot at that
Well who is it then? Virginia?
Is it just me who is getting sick and tired of the * crap?
Meh- I have a paper to write. I was hoping for some awesome user-generated suggestions, but y'all are totally failing me.
I mean, we've been playing at about their level recently.
We should march our defeated enemies ahead of us like a victory parade in the Roman Empire.
um i had one. but it hasn't been approved yet. …
ZACHARY!
kaboom magic
yes and there should be explosions as bryan and nash pop out of their respective balloon heads
Chris Jones, I like the way you think. But in conjunction with your earlier Hitler/dictator comments, this comment is not helping you seem less like a potential murderous despot.
Woah, woah, woah. Inapro-pro. We are very sensitive about Hitler on this website
I reject this baseless allegation about my dictatorial tendencies.
we need someone to go undercover to see what blueprints is doing
Maybe we could get together and built like a joint float. After all, according to the DTH, we're committed to "compromise and consensus" between the two magazines.
Zing!