Homecoming Parade

I was on Crowder Chat this Sunday. If you haven’t seen the episode, watch it. If you have seen it, watch it again. There are a lot of layers.

Anyways, Homecoming is quickly approaching and the student government is rushing to make arrangements for all of the different Homecoming events. To that end, earlier this week I received this email from Student Body President Jasmin Jones:

Hi Nash,

Homecoming is just a couple of weeks away, and we are all excited to be playing our rival, Duke!!! There are many ways that you can take part in the homecoming celebration, but I wanted to personally email you to request your participation in the 2009 Homecoming Parade. I feel that your organization represents a special part of Carolina and I would like for the community, students and alumni to see you. The parade will also be an excellent opportunity to publicize your club.

I couldn’t refuse such a very personal appeal. But, then again, the Carolina Review hasn’t ever designed a float. I want our float to embody the uniqueness of the Carolina Review. After all, the CR “represents a special part of Carolina,” and it would be a shame if the community, students, and alumni didn’t get the chance to experience that “special part.”

I’ve only come up with three ideas. We could just go with a classic and create 60 foot long balloons of me and Bryan and carry them through the parade. Or we could celebrate some of our more scandalous issues by all wearing I <3 Goat Orgasm shirts while proudly smoking cigars and dragging a freshly chopped down virgin rainforest tree through the street. Or we could go to one of the local sites where day laborers congregate to wait for work, pick up a batch of illegal immigrants and parade them through town under a sign boasting of their illegal status, just to see how the people of Chapel Hill deal with it.

But, of course, the Carolina Review firmly believes in inclusiveness, so I would like to invite you to send in your suggestions for our float.

17 thoughts on “Homecoming Parade

  1. pyelena Reply

    hahahahahahhaha this is the most hilarious column i've read from you yet.
    keep it up.
    oh and i like the idea of giant bryan and nash heads
    and maybe you could even get YD balloon heads and like knock em together in the parade.

    • nkeune Reply

      I think we should hold an auction to see who would pay the most money for the cathartic thrill of deflating the over-sized heads of the CR Editors. Might be a good fundraiser.

  2. nkeune Reply

    Meh- I have a paper to write. I was hoping for some awesome user-generated suggestions, but y'all are totally failing me.

  3. cewalker Reply

    Chris Jones, I like the way you think. But in conjunction with your earlier Hitler/dictator comments, this comment is not helping you seem less like a potential murderous despot.

    • nkeune Reply

      Maybe we could get together and built like a joint float. After all, according to the DTH, we're committed to "compromise and consensus" between the two magazines.

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