UNC Discriminates Against Gays

According to the peer-reviewed health journal, Tobacco Control, gays are more likely to smoke.  This report comprises the first “systematic review among sexual minority populations” and concludes that to be gay requires a “higher risk of smoking.”

This proves just one thing: it is not a choice to smoke.  Obviously, then, the right to smoke is protected by the non-discrimination policy that clearly states that the university may not discriminate based on “sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression.” 

Frankly it is quite clear, science has made it so, that smoking is an essential piece to the delicate quilt that makes up this, UNC’s most cherished socio-demographic group.   Smoking is a form of “gender expression.”

And yet, last year UNC put a non-smoking policy into place that does not allow one to stand within one-hundred feet of any building.  This forces the inhalers to congregate by the flagpole in the lower quad prompting only the most savvy, yuppie UNC students to term it the “gaypole” just as these same students did with the “gayble” outside of Lenoir last year (as reported on the prestigeous DTH’s front page).

The smoking policy is put in place in order to, according to the university, maintain a “healthy work and learning environment.”  Does UNC seriously contend that gays are a threat to a healthy work and learning environment?

If caught outside the circumference of the circle drawn for them by the state, they could face up to $25 in fines and will have to incur $121 in court fees.  The homosexuals who are forced to wear this proverbial Star of David are not even afforded a trashcan and yet face further discrimination when they litter.

This is wrong.  And everyone knows that Hell has no fury like that of the LGBTQ community.  They could reverse this draconian policy in one week if they wanted to.

9 thoughts on “UNC Discriminates Against Gays

  1. njr Reply

    I fail to see how you can take a study that says that gays are more likely to smoke, and conclude that it “proves just one thing, it is not a choice to smoke.” Not to be a jerk or anything, but I would suggest proofreading your articles for grammar errors, like the comma splice that I just quoted. It discredits anything that you write to have such obvious and quite frankly, elementary grammar mistakes.

    At first, I thought I knew what point you were trying to make, but upon rereading your article, I now have no idea what you are trying to say.

  2. jlcrowde Reply

    It’s just a joke; an interesting play on a news story. Although, I do wish the LBGTQ would fight the smoking ban.

  3. Good Old American Boy Reply

    Justin, did you just now facetiously coin the term “gaypole,” or did it legitimately already exist?

    I’m a dedicated (straight) smoker at the flagpole, and I’ve never heard that term before.

    Even if the gay community were to have a hissy fit over the smoking ban, it wouldn’t matter. Tobacco is one of the traditional businesses and pastimes of North Carolinians, so therefore it must go, per the Marxist elites of the UNC system.

  4. jlcrowde Reply

    I was being facetious. But there was a table that was apparently termed the “gayble” last year.

  5. Nemesis Reply

    Satire doesn’t suit you. When it’s good, it’s good, but your attempts at it make your article look childish, illogical and downright stupid.

  6. BNS Reply

    Nemesis, this isn’t satire. Didn’t you read the article about it in the DTH?

  7. jlcrowde Reply

    @ BNS & Nemesis: you’re both correct.

    @ Nemesis: aw, you hurt my feelings 🙁 But thanks for reading.

  8. Unimpressed Reply

    This isn't funny or cute or witty or even informative. And your snarky condescension towards the gay community is simply pretentious. I have nothing good to say about this article.

  9. Alex Kilkka Reply

    Hey Justin, I appreciate your creativity with this article, but it seems to mischaracterize gay students. Sure, there are a few who are smoking, yuppie and infantile, but the vast majority are just normal students who couldn't care less about the smoking policy or the bizarre "gayble" article in the DTH. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't mock the university's non-discrimination of sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression. It gives a sense of security to people like me who are terrified of losing their jobs or being thrown out of school (it happens) because of our identities, and it absolutely has no impact on you. Unless you're really that concerned about the extra paper and ink.

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