Hello presumed CRDaily fanatics! This week has been a bit tense. First, Caroline Johnson wrote her Letter-to-the-Editor of the DTH about our traditional rainforest joke, which really raised some really intelligent real issues. I know that the substantive and insightful concerns that Ms. Johnson mentioned sent me into an existential spiral of deep contemplation and even meditation (Ms. Johnson has since been formally nominated for the Arielle Reid Award). Then, there was the embarrassing anti-Youths for Western Civilization protest/riot Tuesday, which put us all in the undesirable and awkward position of logically and emotionally siding with the anti-immigration YWC. To top it all off, yesterday was Tax Day (though Tax Day does have a saving grace- it is presumably the day which sees the most voters change their registration to Republican of any day of the year). Because of all this, I have tried to make my column as uplifting as possible.
We have come to realize that we are way behind the times here at the Review. Many, if not most or all clubs at UNC have some committee, project or group devoted to furthering social justice. Even the Intervarsity Christian Fellowship has a Social Justice Committee. So, we would like to announce the formation of our own Social Justice Committee (or the CRSJC). After all, if there’s one thing we do at the Carolina Review, it’s follow whatever everyone else on campus is doing and thinking. That, and continually add new layers of suffocating bureaucratic red tape.
However, we will not be naming any members of our staff to this exciting new committee. We feel that none of the members of the Carolina Review are sensitive, tolerant, or social justicey enough to earn a spot on the Social Justice Committee. Actually, the mere fact that we would base the selection of committee members solely on those points of merit, and not on socio-economic status, race, gender, sexual orientation, height, handedness, eye color, etc. proves that we are all just terribly wrong for the CRSJC.
This new Committee will deal with all matters concerning Social Justice and the Carolina Review. So, if you ever have any concerns about our position on any social justice issue, send it to the CRSJC. The diligent members of this bold new committee will be the chief, and only, staff members in charge of dealing with questions of social justice and redressing any grievances. We hope you are as excited for this new opportunity as we are.
I’m honored to be able to take on this prestigious position for the CR and promise to uphold my duty to bring about social justice. CRSJC Task one: Address rainforest jib grievance.
Committee Statement: The committee finds Johnson’s letter-to-the-editor a greater social injustice due to the mere fact that it was printed in the DTH, a publication that both harms more trees from its larger quantity of copies and doesn’t get recycled like the CR. Furthermore, we, the CRSJC, feel socially-injustified by having to address this grievance. We request that you do not send grievances about the use of the term “socially-injustified” because it is written in our extensive codes and bylaws that we may make up words to suit our needs so further grievance processing would be fiscally irresponsible.
Thank you- The CRSJC Chairperson
This just in: new data reveals that the CRSJC is actually the single most effective social justice committee on campus.
I’m sorry, but this is hilarious
Agree!
I don’t understand why Ms. Johnson thought that was a joke. We here at CAROLINA REVIEW strive to bring our readers the very best, and that means only the finest virgin rain forest trees. Furthermore, the special paper processing technique we use makes the magazine extra-glossy and durable, and, as a side-effect, un-recyclable. My personal philosophy is: if we lose a few colorful frogs, so what? Only the best for CR readers, I say!