To whom it may concern:
Recently, it seems, the name Justin surname Crowder has graced the pages of the DTH and local media quite habitually. Unknowingly, this has caused confusion and heartache. You see, there are two Justin Crowders here at UNC. I am writing in the hopes of clearing the matter up once and for all.
Justin L. Crowder is on staff for the Carolina Review and can often be seen not studying or, rather rudely, informing some poor fellow of his opinion regarding the morning headlines. Justin R. Crowder by contrast is of a more open-minded sort and enjoys finding the equilibrium constant for various solutions.
Justin R. Crowder is many times mistaken for Justin L. Crowder. The loss of the former’s quality of life is immeasurable.
Signed,
Justin L. Crowder
Ohhhh…